Someone named Rachel texted me on my cell phone today. I don’t know anyone named Rachel, though it would be nice to because I could call her Rach with a long A and say stuff like, I wonder what Rach is up to today, or gee, Rach sure was in a glum mood at the bowling alley.

Rachel, of course, is the name of the ship that rescued Ishmael at the end Moby Dick. Didn’t mean to spoil it for you.

Anyway, texting Rachel want to remind me that I could vote early and urged me to vote for an attorney general candidate in my state. This annoyed me. Full disclosure, it was also raining at the time.

I texted Rachel back words to the effect that I don’t pay exorbitant wireless service fees every month for the convenience of spammers, salesmen and volunteers for political campaigns. Don’t text me any more, I said.

Feeling smug for about 10 seconds when Rachel responds something like, oh, sorry, didn’t mean to disturb you but you can still look up more information about her candidate if I clicked on the link in this new text message.

I responded: Are you stupid? No means no. Stop texting me.

Rachel is hard to turn off. She texted back another apology and said I might get more texts because other people might have my number and if I want them to stop I should just reply STOP.

Fearing the worst, I responded STOP.

That seems to have ended it.

Is there an app that would require anyone not on my contact list to pay $1 or so into my account before their attempted phone call or text message goes through to my phone? If not, why not?

Since I’m doling out brilliant solutions to vexing problems. Why doesn’t the US Postal Service issue digital stamps — a penny or two — merchandisers and known contacts would have to embed in their spam before my email software accepts it? I would pay 2 cents to convey my two cents to people I know, even to people I don’t know. Like you. Even Rach.

Here’s a picture that’s nothing to do with this blog post.

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